


of cash and crybabies

by klaviergavout



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hand Jobs, M/M, Non-Sexual Kink, Sugar Daddy, ceo jinho and model shinwon, some other ptg members are featured in this too but shhhh it's a surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 04:25:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klaviergavout/pseuds/klaviergavout
Summary: shinwon needs encouragement before he can step out on stage and jinho is always happy to help him with that.but one day, he can't be there.





	of cash and crybabies

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is dedicated to two people, my best friend and my girlfriend, both of whom have inspired this fic very much- the former having spent HOURS devising scenarios with me (love you dude) and the latter always keeping me motivated. this is the longest story i've written in a really long time and my first complete fic for pentagon, so any thoughts you have are greatly appreciated!! thank you so much. also, writing in lowercase is a new thing i'm trying out, please bear with me.

jinho remembers the day this whole thing started. it had been a stressful day at work, to say the least, and having attended close to ten consecutive board meetings about the company's new advertising campaign jinho was more than ready to get home, fall into bed and stay there for the rest of the week. he'd raced to his car as soon as the clock hit 7, slammed the driver side door a little too hard for comfort, revved the engine and left the car park with as angry and as annoyed an exit as he could muster. but as he drove through the crowded high street, bright and gaudy displays shining through the shop windows, something caught his eye. a buttoned-up silk shirt, embellished with gold and teal patterns, snugly fitted on a mannequin. it wasn't for him, though- it wasn't his style. he was almost always wearing black suits to work, the only real creativity he managed to achieve in his everyday outfits being the colour of his socks or the pair of cufflinks he chose. no, he wasn't going into hawes & curtis at 7pm to buy a new silk shirt for himself. this was for shinwon.

shinwon, the cute twink he'd just so happened to be sleeping with for the past few weeks. he most definitely wasn't as well off as jinho was, but that's what jinho had been looking for- someone different to all his co-workers, someone without any ulterior motives. a few weeks ago he'd met shinwon at a club, bought him a drink, bought him four more drinks. really enjoyed himself in the company of someone who didn't care about his wealth or his position in the business. still mostly sober, he'd driven shinwon home that night with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, expecting the younger man to beg him for sex like many of his past flings had. shinwon had in fact spent about twenty minutes hugging his dogs in a drunken, emotional stupor before falling asleep on the sofa. jinho hadn't stopped thinking about him since.

jinho got home that night and, as usual, shinwon was draped over the sofa watching cartoons. he jumped at the noise of the front door shutting behind him but as soon as his eyes met jinho's his face broke out into an adorable gummy smile. "hi, mommy."

oh, yeah. shinwon had started calling him that, too. considering the two of them weren't exactly going at it like rabbits, jinho had presumed the nickname was more of a comfort thing than a kink- and it was relieving, to say the least. he'd cringed the first few times but by now he was used to the name, had started to like it despite the feminine connotations. it was unique, just like shinwon and it made him feel important. responsible for something. for him.

"hi, shinwon." trying not to smile too hard in response, jinho walked over, took a seat next to shinwon and presented him with the smart paper bag. "this is for you. for the past few weeks."

his-- well, not his boyfriend, they weren't an official thing yet, jinho wasn't quite sure what they were-- his _lover_  looked up at him with a confused look before reaching in and pulling out the shirt. his mouth fell open. "hyung, i--"

shinwon hadn't called him hyung for days and so the feeling of discomfort that overtook jinho then was something else. everyone always reacted like this. just because he bought them something expensive it was the end of the world and they were indebted to him forever and he _hated_  it.

"look, before you say it," jinho began, unable to hide the irritated tone in his voice, "you _can_ accept this. it's a gift. it's not out of pity, it's not out of gratitude-- well, it is out of gratitude, but what matters is that i saw it on my way home and thought it'd look really hot on you. that's why i bought it. and for the love of god, shinwon, I _really_ don't want you to buy me anything back. you deserve this. okay?"

smiling from ear to ear, eyes clouded with happy tears, shinwon nodded. "okay."

and this time, jinho let himself smile as wide as his cheeks would let him in return.

* * *

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god i can't do this."

flash forward six months and shinwon, his _boyfriend,_  is sat in a dressing room trembling with fear as stylists wax his hair and lightly dust deep red eyeshadow onto his olive skin. jinho is stood in front of him, drinking him in; shinwon's wearing another buttoned-up shirt, except this time it's cotton and far more tight fitting, adorned with images of colourful flowers and chains- and it shows just enough chest that his pierced nipples are visible, little angel wings gleaming in the light. shinwon's also wearing very tight black latex trousers, but jinho is trying his utmost best to ignore that fact, because if he stares any longer he'll get distracted and this is the start of shinwon's first fashion week. all the networking, all the late nights contacting agencies, all the conversations and auditions and interviews weren't in vain and so he has to be professional about this.

so instead he reaches over, gives shinwon's manicured hands a squeeze. "you can do it, baby. i believe in you."

"but what if i don't have enough presence? what if i make a fool of myself up there?" shinwon looks _up_  at jinho (for once) and the stage fright is clear from how he's trembling in his seat, from the growing pool of tears in his eyes. "I don't have experience, i might fuck it all up for everyone. what if i'm not good enough for this, hyung?"

shinwon is so, so doubtful and self-conscious and jinho can't take it, _won't_  just stand there and listen to his boyfriend say one more bad word about himself. he tightens his grip on shinwon's hand and stands up, addressing the stylists with a polite, "could you excuse us for a second?" before dragging him out of the dressing room, down the hallway and into the men's toilets. thank goodness shinwon had been so paranoid earlier that they'd arrived a whole hour ahead of schedule.

jinho brings shinwon into one of the cubicles, locks the door behind them and wastes no time in reaching up to kiss his boyfriend, strong and loving and firm as if he's trying to say s _hut up and stop worrying so much._ shinwon kisses him back, breath hot on jinho's lips, tongue feeling around jinho's mouth and jinho is more than relieved that shinwon's stylists hadn't gotten around to applying lipstick yet. shinwon backs up a few steps, sits himself down on the closed toilet lid and once they break apart jinho takes the opportunity to kneel down and unbutton those tight latex trousers he's been so distracted by (oh my god, jinho thinks he'll be happy forever)-- and, wow. he gets a full-frontal view of soft pink panties he didn't know existed.

"wow, someone really dressed up for the occasion." jinho smiles proudly up at a flustered shinwon, runs a finger gently down pink lace and shinwon lets out a whine. "now, what was that about someone not being good enough?"

shinwon doesn't answer, just looks away- though admittedly, there isn't much to look at, stuck inside a claustrophobic cubicle. so jinho reaches up and cups shinwon's jawline, softly tilting his head back down so he's looking at him again, fidgeting in his place. "tell mommy. who told my baby he wasn't good enough?"

over the half year they've been together jinho has come to realise that when shinwon's stressed out like this, the last thing he needs is to be told the solution straight away. he gets stressed at the thought of having to fix the problem, but not fixing the problem stresses him out- it's a vicious cycle. so allowing him to regress is a way of calming him down and putting him in a much better mindset to receive advice. jinho's gonna take good care of his baby boy first, and maybe somewhere along the way they'll deal with his stage fright too.

"no one," mumbles shinwon, biting his lip.

"no one, huh?" jinho moves his fingers now, slides them from shinwon's jaw up towards his mouth, which shinwon opens obediently. "so then why are you scared?"

"dunno," says shinwon. and shinwon smiles as if his own words have comforted him.

"good boy," says jinho with a smile of his own, using both hands now to pull shinwon's latex trousers down further, the outline of his half-hard dick clearly visible through thin pink fabric. jinho feels his heart lurch at the sight. "mommy wants to make you feel good before you go on stage. is that okay?"

shinwon nods without hesitation, but jinho knows all too well that just a nod isn't enough.

"baby, i need you to say it."

"please," breathes shinwon and the desperation is clear in his voice, in the way he wriggles uncomfortably in his seat. jinho grins but says nothing in response, just loops his finger inside the fabric of shinwon's panties and tugs down, shinwon's dick springing free.

"eyes on me, babe." jinho slowly licks the palm of his hand and maintains eye contact with his boyfriend as he wraps his wet hand around him and squeezes. shinwon moans softly, bites down on his lip to stifle the noise as jinho begins to stroke him, moving his fist upwards from base to tip. he gently thumbs at the head, putting pressure on the slit and shinwon can't stop himself from bucking his hips upwards with a pleasured whine. shinwon's eyes are shut tight but jinho still can't stop staring at them, staring at his winged mascara and his deep red eyeshadow and wondering how on earth he ended up with someone so beautiful.

the love that engulfs his heart then and there and threatens to choke him only makes jinho more determined. he increases his pace, tightens his fist. he just wants to make his baby feel good, so good, wants to take away every single frightened thought shinwon's had today and make sure he shows the whole world what he can do. precum gathers at the tip and jinho spreads it down the sides, twisting his hand around shinwon's cock, little breathy noises spilling from those perfect glossed lips.

shinwon starts sniffling above him. this is normal. when he's overwhelmed and overstimulated and emotional he just can't stop the tears from spilling out, whether that be from a quality handjob or the stress of his first fashion week. in this case, both. jinho reaches up with his free hand and links their fingers together, squeezes shinwon's hand tight so he knows he's doing so well. but that isn't good enough, he has to tell him. he has to say something. so he does.

"you're beautiful, shinwon," says jinho, pumping him faster and shinwon can only respond with a muffled cry into the back of his hand, clutching onto jinho like a lifeline. "you're so fucking beautiful. you've made me so proud of you."

shinwon takes a quick, sharp breath at that, as if jinho's really touched a nerve. he moves his hand slightly so jinho can hear him as he whimpers out a quiet, "i-i have?"

he's getting really emotional now and as much as jinho would love to see shinwon absolutely ruined in this cubicle, tears streaming down his face from the stimulation and praise, that wouldn't bode well for his professional makeup. so jinho slowly lets go of shinwon's grip and reaches up to wipe the tears from the corners of the younger man's eyes, still working him fast with his other hand.

"absolutely."

it doesn't take long, just a few more tight strokes and shinwon is well over the edge, cums messily all over jinho's hand and gasps loudly as he does. jinho works him through it as the rest of his orgasm ebbs away until he lets out a little pained sob, too oversensitive to manage any more.

jinho grabs some toilet roll from the holder beside him and gently wipes shinwon down, keeping a close watch on his boyfriend's face to make sure he isn't upset, that he won't fall into sub drop or get worried about the show again. thankfully shinwon notices jinho watching him and shoots back a little contented smile, chest heaving with steady, controlled breaths. after wiping the remainders of shinwon's mess from his own hand, jinho helps shinwon pull his cute pink panties back up, followed by his trousers, and ends up helping him wash his hands in one of the sinks.

"now, you're going to get out there and you're going to own this show, you hear me?"

"mhm."

"promise?"

"promise."

"good boy."

* * *

shinwon's a natural, with broad shoulders and controlled movements and a confident, piercing gaze, but he still finds it hard to control his (initial) nerves when there are hundreds, if not thousands of fashion designers and reporters and celebrities and i _mportant people_ watching his every move. so they set a routine in place- they arrive an hour, two hours earlier than the rest of the participants and spend some of that extra time together doing unspeakable things in the bathrooms. reducing his sub to a teary-eyed, pleasured mess works wonders for shinwon's stage fright, it seems, and jinho is always more than happy to oblige, making sure he secures a seat for himself at the actual show so that he can watch the results of his handiwork. it's for both their benefit, anyways; while shinwon's problems are quickly solved by a nice, distracting fuck, all jinho needs to do to dissipate his own stress is watch his boyfriend advance down the runway with rouged lips and fire in his deep brown eyes.

a year into this routine, shinwon's already got five professional shows under his belt and has three more scheduled over the next four months alone. it's the tail-end of winter now, school is still out and everyone's recovering from the aftermath of christmas. everything's dusted with snow on this particular wednesday so shinwon, the good friend that he is, decides to take a few hours of his time back at home to catch up with some of the _other_ people he loves. he calls up his best friend wooseok, and they meet at a cutesy little coffee shop a few minutes down the road from him and jinho's place. naturally, wooseok's boyfriend hyunggu tags along- he always does- and it would have been a double date had jinho not just gone to paris for a conference. but shinwon's next show is coming up in a weeks' time and jinho is getting back in two days, so they have plenty of time for double dates, he thinks. just not right now.

what a shame, huh.

"thanks for inviting us, hyung," says hyunggu, definitely the more talkative of the duo. he takes a big sip of his hot chocolate with cream and extra sprinkles, sighing happily once he's swallowed. way too over the top. shinwon opens his mouth to respond but wooseok bursts out in a fit of giggles, staring at the whipped cream 'stache that hyunggu's hot chocolate has left behind. hyunggu says nothing, just slowly licks the cream away, making sure to keep eye contact with his boyfriend as he does so and smirking when wooseok's ears burn bright red. wow, shinwon forgot just how sickeningly sweet these two are. probably because him and jinho work very, very differently.

jinho, who isn't here.

"no problem," shinwon says at last, chugging his cappuccino a little too hard because he's not insecure, he's not desperate, he's just. lonely. and he knows he shouldn't be. knows he shouldn't be feeling jealous, but it's so hard to when your best friends are the clingiest, most pda-comfortable people ever met. hyunggu rests his head on wooseok's shoulder, which reminds shinwon of what jinho does, how he curls up into him as they're laying on the sofa together, knees dug into his side, pressing kisses to his cheek and jaw and neck and _fuck,_ he really wishes he hadn't gone to get coffee today.

shinwon isn't good at small talk anyways so he lets hyunggu lead, lets him ask all sorts of questions about modelling and contracts and makeup brands and _what do you think about crop tops?_ and shinwon laughs at wooseok's bad jokes and promises he'll play overwatch with him the next time he's free, which is a genuine statement, he enjoys the game, but it still feels like a miracle when his phone buzzes and indirectly excuses him from the conversation.

**jinhoe**

missing you

his heart _swells_  all at once and his cheeks burn pink and it seems like wooseok knows why, for he snatches the phone clean out of shinwon's hand with a cheeky grin, scrolling through his recent messages. it buzzes again and this time hyunggu looks over at the screen as wooseok giggles more, curiosity getting the better of him. his eyes go wide. "wow. not gonna lie, he's really handsome."

"I _know_  that," shinwon snaps back, snatching his phone in turn, and when he sees the photo jinho sent him his heart swells again; he's in a sharp black suit (as usual) with a navy striped tie, his blonde hair slicked back and greasy with wax. so handsome it makes shinwon's heart skip a beat. but something's different- there's a silver stud in jinho's ear, one that wasn't there two days ago when they video called, and that's making his heart skip about twenty. with a cheeky grin of his own shinwon taps out a response.

**shinwonnie**

so when did you get that piercing done huh 👀

**jinhoe**

yesterday, thought you'd like it x

**shinwonnie**

i love it mommy!!

you look amazing

**jinhoe**

thanks baby x

wyd?

"jinho wants to know what i'm up to," says shinwon with a smile, addressing no one in particular as he looks fondly down at his phone. after a moment of contemplation he looks back up at his friends with a grin and a good idea. "wanna send him a selfie?" and hyunggu perks up completely at his words, nodding enthusiastically, way too excited over a selfie. but shinwon likes that about hyunggu. he gets so excited and passionate about things, able to light up whole rooms when he smiles and talks on and on for hours about that new dance routine he's mastered, or the mixtape he's working on, or the _very_  deliberate set-up of his fantasy league team for rupaul's drag race. he's absolutely adorable and shinwon only hopes that he's as kind as he seems when it comes to wooseok behind closed doors.

the selfie goes well. shinwon takes the honours of holding the phone, and while he wouldn't call himself that great with selfies he's able to muster a smile, curly chestnut hair framing his face just the way jinho likes. cute enough, he thinks, scrutinising the image of himself on the screen. behind him, wooseok smiles awkwardly while hyunggu sticks out his tongue and does a peace sign. the latter looks coy and pretty but his eyes are completely blank, as if he's practised that pose to exhaustion; one look at his social media would certainly back up that hypothesis. satisfied, shinwon presses the button--

_click!_

and it's done. the three of them negotiate over filters- eventually settling for a warm pink hue- and shinwon adds some default stickers: a few bubble hearts and one that says #squadgoals. despite the embarassment that courses through him as he adds that, fully aware of how childish it is for three men in their mid-twenties to describe themselves as _#squadgoals_ , he means it - he loves wooseok, and he loves hyunggu, and despite the empty seat next to him he knows he would much rather spend time with these two than the strangers he meets at his shows, most of whom are far too hung up about their performance to care about anything he has to say. jinho might not be around right now but he knows he still has two great friends. and his heart is happy.

a buzz reminds him that jinho is still online and he quickly responds.

**jinhoe**

wow, you guys look great <3

tell them i said hi!

"hi," wooseok and hyunggu reply back in chorus, as if the older can physically hear them through the phone. shinwon smiles and rolls his eyes.

**jinhoe**

they better be taking good care of you yeah?

**shinwonnie**

they are xx

they said hi

what are you up to?

**jinhoe**

taking a lunch break

got a board meeting in 20 though :(

**shinwonnie**

oh okay!! won't keep you then

go do that Business™

**jinhoe**

will do baby

see you soon x

**shinwonnie**

see you on fridayyyy

shinwon turns his phone off and is about to ask the two of them if they want to go get mcdonalds or something when it buzzes again. this is normal- jinho always wants to be the last person to say goodbye, never satisfied leaving him on read. but then it buzzes a second time, and a third, and a fourth and he _has_  to turn it back on now.

wooseok looks up from the meme he'd just been showing off to his boyfriend and stares - shinwon's face is unreadable, hands shaking with the force of how hard he's tapping his phone's keyboard. he stops typing for a second, chest heaving with heavy breaths and it's quickly apparent that his hands are trembling anyways. wooseok reaches over, presses his friend's hand to comfort him but shinwon shakes his head and yanks it away.

"sorry, wooseok, i just--" but he's too choked up to explain and his mind is full of nonsense words and his face just. crumples up and all at once he's crying, tears rolling down his face and he's  _still_ staring at his phone. it's now hyunggu's turn to snatch it away from him and shinwon makes no effort to stop him, even as hyunggu reads his private messages.

at last hyunggu looks up at wooseok, face contorted with anger.

"i am going to kill him."

* * *

wooseok and hyunggu take shinwon back to their little apartment slap-bang in the middle of seoul, order takeout and cuddle him the entire night, trying to convince him it was a simple mistake. jinho's flight is _next_  friday, not this coming friday. jinho's flight is next friday, which is also known as _the day of the show._ but jinho never misses any of his shows, he never--

"oh, shinwon," says wooseok as a fresh wave of tears overtakes him again and he ends up sobbing into the crook of wooseok's neck, salty tears soaking his shirt sleeves. wooseok runs a hand through his hair in an attempt to soothe him. "it's okay. you couldn't have known."

"jinho very well could have known," retorts hyunggu, who's practically pacing around the room in a rage. what shinwon's come to realise in the past hour or so is just how protective of his friends hyunggu really is. "so-- so his company, the company _he_  manages, sent him off on this business trip and he didn't even think to double-check when his boyfriend's show is? the show that he _always_ goes to?"

wooseok avoids direct confrontation whenever he can, so frustration and anger don't suit him, but shinwon can't help the shiver that runs through him when he sees the glare wooseok's shooting at his boyfriend. "'ggu. shinwon is upset."

"i know! i know that, woo, that's why i'm mad. i'm mad that jinho didn't take the time to remember something that's apparently so important to him." hyunggu kneels down beside shinwon, cups his cheek and shinwon relaxes into the touch. "we'll go with you, shinwonnie. you can count on us."

shinwon smiles weakly, just a little even through his sobs. "thanks, hyunggu. but you had to reserve seats in advance." and he instantly regrets saying that because hyunggu's whole expression just _morphs,_ disappointment evident and he can't stop the tears coming again. "i'm so sorry--"

"don't be," wooseok starts, and immediately shinwon feels that bit calmer. "okay, so we can't come. but even if jinho isn't there to encourage you, i'm sure you can do just as well, right? it's not like he gets up on stage with you."

he's got a good point there. shinwon thinks about this for a moment, then agrees; when it comes down to performances, he's the one that steps on stage- no one else. he needs to be independent. he needs to show jinho he's responsible, that he can do things on his own. that he's not just a needy, dependent boyfriend who needs to fuck it out every time he gets nervous.

part of him wants to make jinho proud of him. the other part of him wants to make sure jinho knows just what he's missing out on.

* * *

 

it's the day of the show and the way jinho's running through the airport you'd think he was late for his flight, pushing past crowds of people with no care for who he knocks over- but he's more than six hours early. he goes through customs in a worried, worked-up haze, almost forgetting to take his watch and rings off before he gets into the scanning machine. all he can think of is _shinwon shinwon shinwon_ and so he barely even realises that halfway through racing towards his gate he knocks into someone and they drop all the shopping bags in their hands. when he does realise, though? he's mortified.

"oh my god, i am _so_ sorry," says jinho, completely out of breath. he drops to his knees and picks up the bags, holding them out to the stranger who takes them with a quick bow of thanks. when he stands up again he realises the stranger is much taller than him, deep brown hair parted neatly in the middle, gold earrings dangling down. he's wearing all black: black jeans, black nails and a worn, baggy hoodie, also black. it hits jinho how warm and comfortable the man must be feeling in that hoodie and somehow he feels a lot better.

"it's okay," replies the stranger, a genuine smile lighting up his face. "you seem nervous. do you have somewhere to be?"

and all of a sudden, _shinwon shinwon shinwon_ starts up in his head again and the fear sinks in. jinho nods, choked up. he wants to explain, but he can't, he just needs to _leave_. his feet move without him even realising and he feels bad for leaving the friendly stranger on his own, would probably introduce himself if he wasn't in such a rush but he has to get going. he has to get home as soon as possible for shinwon.

it's only when he gets to his gate and sits down that he becomes aware of the time, eyes darting nervously towards the dashboard: _11:02:50._ jinho does the maths in his head- he's 8 hours behind, so it's _19:02:50_ in seoul, and there's about half an hour till the fashion show starts. good, he's got time. jinho fully intends to spend the remaining five-and-a-half hours he has at his gate refreshing every single fashion-related website he knows until the pictures are released. until he knows his baby made it down that runway without bursting into tears.

even though he's got a whole half an hour to calm himself down, jinho impulsively turns on his phone- and shinwon beams up at him from the screensaver, warm and cozy in a stupid novelty jumper that he bought him for christmas. jinho feels sick with guilt. he messed up the date and didn't think twice about it, didn't even double check because he's never wrong when it comes to shinwon. he's never missed a show. and now he'll never forgive himself.

his finger itches above the 'call' button. shinwon's not talked to him in a whole week and he's just about the only person who calls and texts him on a regular basis. with half an hour until the show, and no news from him in seven days, jinho isn't sure what he can do to calm shinwon's nerves. the way things have gone he's pretty sure he's done nothing but make them worse.

* * *

jinho's right. shinwon's petrified.

"there, there, sweetie," says one of his stylists, a short, smiley man (though practically everyone seems short to him) who's definitely older than he is, sporting deep purple hair and an eyebrow piercing. he looks really cool, actually, and shinwon would introduce himself were he not currently about to throw up all over the floor of the tent. the stylist dusts his cheeks gently with blush, and poofs his nose for good measure, more so to make him smile than anything else. "you're doing so well."

 _you're doing so well._ the phrase makes him freeze, makes him look up at once, confusion in his eyes. the only other person who's ever said that to him is jinho and he feels the tears start coming again and, fuck, he _hates_  how emotional he is. he's such a crybaby. stupid stupid stupid.

"oh no, i'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset," says the older man, sympathy written all over his face. "let me get you some tissues." and he rushes around, rummaging through bags and drawers and cupboards, not caring what he drops or throws on the floor in his search until he finally finds a box of kleenex. shinwon takes one gratefully when he's offered. blows his nose. wipes his eyes.

"I'm hui, by the way. what's your name?"

"shinwon."

"shinwon," hui repeats, trying the unfamiliar name out on his tongue. at last he grins. "nice name. when are you on?"

shinwon looks at the clock on the wall, tries his best not to scream when he sees he's only got-- "half an hour."

"oh, we'll be done in no time. just some final touches to do and then you can go. look up," hui says, and shinwon obeys as his eyeliner's applied. the next fifteen minutes go past in a daze, right up until hui tells him it's time to go on and then everything suddenly feels so real, too real and his chest is heaving and he's silent on the outside but his brain is screaming _no no no no_ and he can't even _**move**_

hui leads him to the curtain and--

_CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!_

he's a deer in headlights.

* * *

jinho fidgets uncomfortably in his seat, clutching his phone with shaky hands, practically tethered to a plug socket. _23:30:04_ in seoul and he's pretty sure he's tried every single website there is, refreshed them all about fifty times each. no shinwon. he checked out some streaming channels just in case there was a live feed of the event; nothing. he even listened to a few radio shows in hope of a commentary. he can't believe how desperate he is. he should be the one looking after shinwon, not the other way around.

jinho calls up his text messages, tries one last time.

**jinhoe**

hey baby

how was the show? are you okay?

please message me back

* * *

as soon as he touches down in seoul the next afternoon jinho breezes through customs, sits down as he waits for his bags to arrive, turns on his mobile data and -- nothing. no texts, no pictures, no articles. come *on.* he starts checking every other social media outlet. facebook, snapchat, instagram, youtube. it's only on twitter that he _finally_ gets a hit, on the official account of one of the agencies who attended. he doesn't even stop to read the caption, he just sees a beautiful beautiful boy in a long plaid coat snug around his shoulders and tight fitting trousers and a loose white shirt and platform boots

and then that beautiful beautiful beautiful boy is waiting for him in arrivals and everything blurs and jinho sobs for the first time in months and he almost knocks shinwon over with how hard he rushes to hug him. when he pulls back it's only to grab shinwon's face and kiss him once, kiss him twice, kiss him three times until his lipstick's all smudged and the two of them are both crying and laughing at the same time in the middle of the airport and people are staring but fuck it, people have been staring at shinwon all week. it's his job.

"i love you," whispers shinwon and jinho's heart breaks all over again. "i love you so much."

"i love you too," murmurs jinho, pressed happily against shinwon's shoulder. "i'm so sorry i missed it."

"i'm so sorry i didn't call," shinwon replies, but he can't stop smiling. he's so relieved. "i should have let you know i was okay."

"no, _i_ should have made sure _you_ were okay."

"it's not your fault."

"well, it's not yours either." and jinho gives shinwon one last squeeze before he untangles himself, presses a quick kiss to his cheek, tastes the saltiness of his own tears. "shall we get going?"

shinwon nods, reaching over and linking their hands together. "mhm."

"when's your next show, baby?"

"april 21st."

"april 21st. i'll be there."


End file.
